Reflections
by Lu Su
Summary: A sort of songfic, I guess you would call it, on Susan's thoughts set after the Last Battle. "They were gone, every one of them, and she had been left completely alone…"


_**A/N & Disclaimer: **Well hello! I came up with this idea in the car on the way home. I know it's a Susanfic and there are already a heap of those, but I made it a sort of songfic as well.  
The lyrics I used are the ones in the movie 'Mulan', and song is called 'Reflection', I believe. Oh, and this might not be the best if you haven't read The Last Battle already._

_And, of course, I don't own Narnia, Susan, Her family, the song/lyrics, or anything like that.  
Hope you like it! Thanks!_

* * *

Susan sighed heavily. It had been a full month - only a month - since… since _that._ She didn't even want to think about it, it was so horrible – but she was helpless to push the memories from her mind. _They_ were gone, every one of them, and she'd been left completely alone…

The loneliness was unbearably painful. She'd never felt so isolated from the world. She felt as if she was the only person left alive on the Earth, despite all the parties she'd been hanging on to, despite all of her 'friends' who had tried to cheer her up – just so she would be more fun to be around, more fun for them. This time Susan didn't even _try _to stop the tears that flowed freely down her face with the immensity of a waterfall.

The last of her friends remaining in Susan's house, seeing Susan start to sob again, left in annoyance. And now Susan was truly alone. She walked over, still sobbing, to the chair that had been her fathers, and looked in the mirror.

The mirror showed Susan her face, red and puffy, and a fresh wave of tears blurred her vision further. Furiously wiping her eyes on her sleeve, she hid her head in her hands.

_I can't live like this! _She thought.

_**Look at me**_

_**I will never pass for a perfect bride**_

_**Or a perfect daughter –**_

No one, she thought remorsefully, would want to marry someone who sobs every other day of her life. She was an utter wreck, someone who had lost everything – including her own faith. The thought of Aslan pained her even more – much like Edmund had felt when he first heard the name, when he was in the service of the White Witch. But that thought never crossed Susan's mind.

And how sad her parents had been, Susan realized, when she had looked in scorn upon the book they had held up to her – when they had shown her the Bible. What had she said?

"_You too? You're just like my foolish siblings! I'll never believe this pack of lies! Fairytales, that's all they are!" _

Her mother had been tearful. Hurt. Grieved. And only now did Susan realize the pain she'd caused. Her siblings, too – Peter, Edmund, and especially Lucy. What had they told her that she had denied so forcefully?

Yes, she remembered. They had all pretended they were Kings and Queens of a magical land, and told her she had been a Queen, too. But Susan had had none of it – it was all so unrealistic to her, and she passed it off as a dream or wishful thinking. And she had grown farther and farther apart from her family, become more obsessed – a forced obsession at first – with parties and social gatherings, and with acting superior to everyone, pretending she was an adult.

_**Can it be**_

_**I'm not meant to play this part?**_

Why, oh why could life be so cruel? Why did her family believe these foolish things with such a passion? None of it made any sense to Susan. What was the use of love if it caused so much pain in the end? Susan wiped her eyes once more. She _had _loved her family, despite all of their childish beliefs – she knew that now. Why did life lead her along its path if she would simply die at the end of it?

_**Now I see**_

_**That if I were truly to be myself**_

_**I would break my family's heart**_

_I've already broken their hearts, _Susan thought. _And now they're gone and I can't tell them how sorry I am. _

Susan wondered if they had still loved her, even after all the anguish she's caused them. The sleeves of Susan's ruffled party dress were now soaked from her tears as she looked back up at the mirror in front of her.

_**Who is that girl I see**_

_**Staring straight**_

_**Back at me?**_

Susan stared at the figure in the glass, grimly wondering why it didn't shatter in her presence. At first, she tried to turn away, but she found that she couldn't.

_**Why is my reflection someone**_

_**I don't know?**_

_**Somehow I cannot hide**_

_**Who I am**_

_**Though I've tried**_

Susan knew that she'd been trying to hide, trying to hide from Aslan_**, **_by denying his presence and turning her back to his love. Even now, she was reluctant to admit it. She'd donned a ridiculous dress and run off to a load of silly parties_…_

And had practically put on a mask and cloak in attempt to hide herself away from the troubles of the world.

And all this she became conscious of, and she admitted openly and willingly that she had done wrong. The guilt was painful.

Susan knew she had found Aslan in this world, and realized that she had known all along – she had only to accept it. And her tears slowly became tears of joy.

_**When will my reflection show **__**Who I am inside?**_

Susan closed her eyes. The corners of her mouth lifted, ever so slightly. Her siblings were before her, in the royal garb of Narnia, and she now knew where they were. Death wasn't the end, after all. Standing behind them, roaring in triumph and glory, was Aslan himself. He smiled with a human quality that no other lion could boast of, breathed upon Susan, and when she opened her eyes once more – she saw in the mirror Queen Susan the Gentle, willing servant of the Great Lion.

Susan of Narnia! The real Narnia.

_Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen.  
_

_**A/N: **Well, there it is! I'd love reviews & such, of course, and thank you for reading. Not one of my most original ideas, but I decided to do it anyways, just to state the obvious.  
Thank you once again!_


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